I knew someone would have to tell me how because of what Tom did I should just shit can five years of my hard work. A fan blog can be a lot of work…probably why almost all of mine are dead - I lost interest in a lot of things when this happened.
Two reasons this blog still exists:
I don’t look at it, but people still follow it - and so I thought every once in a while I’d post about what happened to the new ones who don’t know about what happened - to catch them up and make them aware.
If he does “return” I doubt he will be even close to who he is now or was then. Someone else can make a blog for the person he will be. It isn’t a shrine, it’s just me being selfish and not wanting to throw away five years of my own life in one little “delete” button.
He was a big part of it, as Eddplant was when we found out about him.
I’m trying to fill it with other things…
I still see him post to facebook. He’s fine, just being “normal” right now. I know it’s hard to go from seeing him tweet everyday and being very involved to nothing.
He’s spending time with his family.
Well, he isn’t using his Hexachordal account for obvious reasons. In fact he cleared all the tweets. He’s pulled himself from public view right now - I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell you the one he’s currently using, he keeps having to change it. He’s still human, and people forget that.
Now if you prove to me you need it for some other reason, (i.e. you are getting weird comments from a twitter you don’t know). Send me an ask I can answer privately.
However, if you are following this blog and don’t know why he deleted his twitter, or his videos, or why I never post anymore - you really need to click that link.
Yeah, well, um. I have a lot of conflicting feelings about this, and the tag has been exploding for days. Not sure what the future of the blog will be, I understand totally if you unfollow me.
I have about 1,000 asks that just say “What on earth is happening?” So, let me do my best to tell you.
This week, a young woman came forward who dated Tom Milsom when she was sixteen. She made it clear that that relationship, which ended more than a year ago, was manipulative and exploitative. I talked to Tom about this and he confirmed that the relationship was inappropriate and he regretted it.
I was really angry about it and I released a statement saying as much. After that, I realized how powerful my voice was and was actually a little bit terrified by that. I realized that I had, for a lot of people, made myself seem like the judge and jury of who is a good and bad person and that really freaked me out. I am not an investigation unit, nor am I a court of law. Honestly, I’m still freaked out because I’m worried that, with this post, I’m still doing it.
The positive and supportive response to Olga’s story about Tom enabled some people to come forward anonymously saying that Alex Day had engaged in similar romantic relationships with them that were exploitative and even abusive.
After that happened, several accusations were posted about other YouTubers including Dan and Phil and Tyler Oakley. Those were soon proven to be entirely false and the people who posted them confirmed that they were just making stuff up. I want to reiterate that posting false accounts of abuse undermines the legitimate problems we’re facing and mocks the difficulty that victims face in coming forward and it is a terrible thing to do.
However, the posts about Alex were very credible. But then Alex issued a statement saying he had never engaged in such a relationship.
On a personal note, I then had absolutely no idea what to do. My ask box was 200 asks deep with people asking me to clear the situation up for them, or to publicly condemn Alex or to publicly support Alex. I’d set myself up (accidentally) to look like the omniscient knower of the YouTube community. I was super freaked.
After about a day passed, Alex issued a statement confirming that, in fact, he had been in those relationships and had constructed situations that pressured people into intimacy and had used a model of consent that he admitted was terrible which he referred to “only no means no” which is both extremely disrespectful and a recipe for enabling abuse.
For what it’s worth, my personal read on this situation is that Alex knew he had been shitty and manipulative, but he didn’t realize until the victims came out the extent of what he had done. That does not excuse what he did…the fact that he was so unthinking and irresponsible as to not even notice has its own brand of gross.
This probably goes without saying but I am both furious and saddened that people in my community would have these manipulative, unhealthy, and even abusive relationships. I do not know all of the details of these relationships, nor do I believe it is my place to know, but I have no doubt that Alex and Tom took advantage of people and I am so tired of being angry that now I’m just sad.
Thank you for the victims for coming forward and thank you to this entire community for upholding these values in a way that I don’t think any other community in the world would be able to.
If you are in an abusive relationship, or just think you might be, there is help to be had. Sometimes even realizing the nature of your relationship is difficult. And getting out can seem impossible. It is not.
National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1.800.656.HOPE
uhhh sure im a nice guy and all but some of you idolise me wayyyy too much ok— •*´¨`*•T O m•*´¨`*• (@hexachordal) February 24, 2014
on this slow sunday everything seems poetic and worth watching. outside- well i cant see, the windows are steamed up, but in such a nice way— •*´¨`*•T O m•*´¨`*• (@hexachordal) March 2, 2014
this afternoon i rediscover my scars as water ripples elegiac in the glass reflection, and all is calm— •*´¨`*•T O m•*´¨`*• (@hexachordal) March 2, 2014
@HoneyKinny i just had the nicest gentlest slowest shower ever— •*´¨`*•T O m•*´¨`*• (@hexachordal) March 2, 2014